Independence Day

Independence Day is special to me, as it should be to all Americans. I can only imagine what it felt like back in the late 1700s when our founding fathers told England to piss off, that they couldn't have our guns, because we're one nation under God, indivisible, with inalienable rights goddamn it if that isn't the truth.

But sadly. I found that that spirit is fading. Fourth of July is more about fireworks and parades than telling the British where they can jam their tyranny. Here's a perfect example. I was at a small town Independence Day festival. Later in the day there were going to be fireworks, so people had their blankets out staking a spot. This is something I can get behind, and I'll tell you why. It's AMERICAN, and if you don't like it, too goddamn bad.

Look. I'll let everybody in on a little secret. Its two words. Manifest Destiny. Look it up. Educate your damn selves.

So I start looking for a spot to put down my stake on the left field grass. I like fireworks just as much as the next guy. I don't like being next to whiny ass children though, so I had to get a good spot.  Just as I was putting up my tent (it's a special one, with insulated walls, two rooms and a moon roof) some limey bastard comes up to me and starts telling me how I can't do it. British through and through. He said something like "Scuse me guvna, I think you might be wantin to put that somewheres else." So I asked him if he knew the history. If he knew how we told England to get the hell back to their gloomy little island, but then still had the decency to bail them out when they were shaking in their little booties because the Nazis were running around in their goofy uniforms and doing their little hand waves.

He got angry. And this is just like an Englishman. He started stomping on my tent. Then he picked up some pieces of my tent and hucked them into the road.

Of course, I couldn't do anything, because before I knew it the police were there. I managed to flee, but as I hopped the fence, I think I saw a little girl crying, and I like to think she was crying about America being stepped on by some rotten tooth Brit with an ax to grind.