Out of Paper

[The following was recorded without [redacted]'s knowledge. It was a conversation between the two of us, after I confronted him about not writing for several days]

[redacted]: Look, I don't know where you're going with this whole blog thing. You seem a little too excited about it. You know, write, write, write. I'm not an idiot, alright? It means one of two things, you're trying to assassinate me, or you're trying to fuck me. Either one, I won't abide.

No, see, don't give me that. You've got that twinkle in your eye. That liberal twinkle, looks like a pair of rose colored glasses, well it ain't happening. If you're going to assassinate me, you'll have to assassinate my rifle here. And if its the other, well, good luck. Every try to wrestle a bear? I was state wrestling champion in high school. I've bitten people's noses off for less, don't think I won't maim you.

  [I'm not here to kill you]

It doesn't matter. If you try anything you're dead. Want another helping of herring? Vita is a damn fine brand. Just the right acidity. No, see, you've got some communist tendencies. I saw what you were reading the other day. Went through you're little backpack, or whatever. I saw Dostoywhateversky Commie propoganda.

[They're just books. Do you have something against books?]

Don't sass me. I'm still about a cunt hair away from killing you, understand? But you know, you're young, so it's forgivable. Have you ever read the Constitution of the United States? Have you read the Federalist Papers? Hell it just goes to show that there's a lack of education in this country. Communist teachers handing out Maos book and that Russian guy. Marx.

[Do you think the President is a communist?]


You mean Hoop Dreams? Mr. I was born in America even though my name is Hussein? Mr. I don't have time to talk to congress about going to war because I've got a tee time and then some pickup basketball? He's a fourth generation communist. His sole purpose in life is to drive America into the ground.

[You realize how ridiculous that sounds?]


Well, you're young. And stupid. Maybe you'll see the light, maybe you won't. It's like that book. The Cave or something? Platonic something or other. Platonic Affairs? I don't know. The Beach, that's it. Where the people are all in the cave. They made it into a movie with DiCaprio.

[You mean Plato's cave?]


Don't sass me. I won't be made a fool of.

[inaudible]


I'll strangle the red right out of you.


[loud crashing noises. screams of pain.]


[end of tape]